


Trapped

by DwarvenBeardSpores



Series: Long Distance Calls [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Carlos in the Desert Otherworld, Communication, Episode: e059 Antiques, Honesty, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Relationship Negotiation, Science, The Desert Otherworld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12624972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DwarvenBeardSpores/pseuds/DwarvenBeardSpores
Summary: From the Desert Otherworld, Carlos breaks some news to Cecil about things that he is and things he is not.A scientist is many things. 'Trapped' is not one of them.





	Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one day, and then edited it over the course of a couple weeks. It's my take on a conversation that Cecil and Carlos must have had before the episode "Antiques."

Cecil was talking, like he always did, and Carlos was listening and also thinking about rocks, like he frequently did. Before he had called Cecil, Carlos had been studying a rock that looked like sandstone laced with silver, but inexplicably was not made of the elements in either sandstone or silver. It would take a long time to figure out what, scientifically, was going on with that rock. And there were a _lot_ of rocks in the Desert Otherworld, as well as stars and people and things that looked like plants but weren’t.

That’s why Carlos had picked up his phone, and walked out into the desert, and stood on the top of a sand dune where he could see the expansive wasteland spread out before him, and called Cecil. That’s why Cecil was talking to him now, and why Carlos was both listening and thinking about rocks.

He held his phone between his ear and his shoulder and pulled a not-illegal-anymore pen and a post-it note out of his pocket, to scribble a note about the rock.

_Add Water??_

“Mmmhmm,” Carlos said, in response to something Cecil said about traffic and birds and flaming meteors. It wasn’t that he didn’t care. He did care, very much. Possibly too much. When he thought about Cecil for too long, he felt a void open up in his chest, so real that he always checked that his torso was still intact before curling up under the feelings of his own inadequacy.

He wasn’t there for Cecil. That was a fact.

There was _so much science_ in the Desert Otherworld. That was another fact.

The other reason Carlos was thinking about science while he listened to Cecil talk was because he was nervous. Because he had something he needed to tell Cecil but he didn’t know how to say it. Because he was pretty sure he’d hurt Cecil either way, but one of those ways was sudden and direct and the other was drawn out and agonizing. “A scientist is always honest,” he muttered to himself. This was one of the harder parts of being a scientist.

“What?” Cecil said.  
  
“Nothing,” Carlos said quickly. “I mean, I was just telling myself. A scientist is always honest.”

“Oh,” Cecil said. “That _is_ important.”

For a moment Carlos thought Cecil was going to ask about the context for that statement. That would be his opening. But Cecil had been trained not to ask questions, and he wasn’t particularly concerned with conversational logic, either.

He sighed happily. “Scientists are so many things! I think it’s really neat.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said weakly. His left ear, which was pressed against his phone, was sweaty so he shifted the phone to his right ear. Something that looked like a tumbleweed but wasn’t rolled across the sand in front of him.

“I mean,” Cecil continued, “we are all many things. We are more things than we know. A shifting mass of identities and truths that attach themselves to our corporeal form and draw energy from our blood. Things which we may defend or embody, cast off or silently loathe. Aspects of ourselves which see in other people but not in ourselves, and sometimes bake into gooey desserts. In this moment, I am a radio host. I am dating you. I am slightly hungry, and slightly afraid, and my favorite kind of soap is the one that tastes like chicken. I love cats. And still, there is still so much about myself that I do not know, and even if I try to know it, it could all change in the next moment.”

“Mmmhmm.” Carlos made another scribble on his post-it. Cecil’s voice was mesmerizing. Carlos almost let himself forget why he had called.

_Is the rock always a rock??_  
_Is it always the same rock??_

“But you, Carlos, you are _always_ a scientist. And scientists are always so many things. Scientists have the audacity to spit in the face of universal chaos and _declare_ things. To make up rules for their existence that do not always correspond to the shifting illusion that is reality. Do you know how rare it is, to be always a thing?”

Carlos’s heart quivered at the flattery. He shifted his phone back to his left ear.

“It’s also really hot,” said Cecil. “Gosh. I can’t wait until you figure out how to come back from that Desert Otherworld you’re trapped in.”

And there it was. The point of no return.

“Cecil,” Carlos said. “Can I tell you something? About… things that I am and am not?”

“Of course!” Cecil sounded so eager that Carlos nearly gave up and started talking about rocks instead.

“A scientists is many things, all the time,” Carlos said. “But a scientist is also many things only some of the time. And sometimes there are things a scientist wasn’t and suddenly is, or things that a scientist used to be and now isn’t.”

“Uh huh,” said Cecil, attentive. Carlos looked at the sky. It was pinker than usual.

“You used the word “trapped” to describe what I currently am,” Carlos said. “But… I don’t think “trapped” is an accurate description of my existence anymore. It used to be, but now it is not.”

“Oh, _Carlos_ ,” Cecil breathed. Carlos thought for a moment that Cecil understood without him having to say it. “Oh Carlos, you don’t mean that- If you’re not trapped then- Carlos, have you found a door? Are you coming home?!”

Carlos threw his phone across the desert.

It hit a rock and the screen shattered, ending the call.

This was not a kind response to Cecil’s question. It was not particularly rational, or helpful. There are many things this response was not.

But it was honest.

Carlos watched from a distance as the spiderweb of cracks across his phone slowly healed themselves. He still didn’t know why that happened, or how. There were so many things he did not know.

He wrote:

_How indestructible is the rock??_

He did know that he had choices. He knew that tomorrow he could decide not to do science, and instead go searching for an Old Oak Door. He knew that if he kept searching, he would probably find one. He could ask Doug and Alicia for help, and maybe mobilize the entire Masked Army. If he couldn’t find a door, he knew that he could try to create a machine that would replicate the purpose of one, maybe using his cell phone as a starting point. Carlos had not exhausted his options. And so he was not trapped.

His phone finally finished repairing itself and restarted. Carlos waited while it played a jaunty couplet about dismemberment (which it had since Night Vale had issued a Mandatory Phone Update for reasons unknown) and his home screen lit up. It showed a picture of Cecil in Carlos’s lab, wearing a pair of goggles and grinning widely as he stared into a terrarium filled creatures Carlos had classified as “void frogs.” His ever-shifting eyes were a joyous blue. The absence of light from the frogs cast weird shadows on Cecil’s face, and Carlos’s heart tightened as he remembered Cecil talking about them on his show, saying “science is really terrifying and adorable.” Carlos wished he could see Cecil’s reactions to all the science in the Desert Otherworld. That void in his chest started opening up again.

He called Cecil back.

“Carlos?” Cecil said immediately. “Carlos, are you there? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Carlos said. “I just… I threw my phone again.”

“Oh,” Cecil breathed. “I was so worried.”

“i’m sorry. I panicked. I didn’t know how to tell you that I… actually haven’t found a door yet.”

“You haven’t?” Carlos tried not to listen to the tone of Cecil’s voice. “But you said- you said you weren’t trapped anymore.”

“I know,” Carlos said. “I said that because I don’t feel trapped. I’m learning so much here, Cecil, and there’s so much more to learn. There are no other scientists in the Desert Otherworld, and there’s so much science. Even if I found a door, Cecil, I think this is where I need to be.”

“Oh,” said Cecil.

“And I wish I knew how to be there with you and do science here. But I don’t.”

“But… I need you _here,_ ” Cecil said quietly.

Carlos did not throw his phone again. He took a deep breath, and then another. The air was gritty.

“I know,” he said. He heard Cecil suck in a breath, and barged forward, before Cecil could jump to any more conclusions. “I love you so much, Cecil. That is something that is always true. And I miss you a lot. I miss touching you, and I miss hearing your show. I miss waking up next to you, and going out on dates, and performing ancient rituals together, and sitting next to you while you write fanfiction. And I miss Night Vale, even if it’s kind of hostile and makes it hard to write notes on post-its. I wonder, sometimes, about all the uninteresting things that are happening, that you won’t think to tell me about and I won’t think to ask. But Cecil-“

“Carlos.”

The sky was even pinker than before, and something that wasn’t a bird flew across it. Carlos ignored both those things.

“I have not always been a Night Vale citizen. That is something relatively new, considering all the things I have and have not been. I have not always been your boyfriend either. And I love being your boyfriend. I try to be a good boyfriend, and I hope that, sometimes, I am. I hope that me being your boyfriend is something that stays true for a long, long time. Longer than I can calculate scientifically.”

“Carlos, I want that too. I want us to be together until the sun dies and the earth is plunged into an endless, freezing night.”

“But Cecil,” Carlos said, before he lost his nerve contemplating the romantic nature of the end of the world. “Before I was a Night Vale citizen, or your boyfriend, I was a scientist. I have always been a scientist, and I always will be a scientist. It’s who I am, Cecil. Science is as much a part of me as my name, or my hair, or my lab coat. If I’m not doing science, I don’t know who I am. I might not be anyone. And right now, the Desert Otherworld is the most scientifically interesting place I can be.”

He stopped. Cecil was silent on the other end of the line. They were silent together. Carlos took off his glasses and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his lab coat. Scientists sometimes cried.

He pulled out his post-it and wrote:

_Add tears??_

Because in Night Vale, tears had many extra scientific properties.

Then he said “Cecil?”

Cecil said “Carlos,” and then “I…. I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay,” Carlos said, even though he wanted Cecil to say that it was alright, that it was a good decision, that he’d be okay, and their relationship wouldn’t suffer despite the time and distance.

“I mean,” Cecil said, “Carlos, you know that I want you to be happy. And if you’re happy doing science while trapped in the Desert Otherworld-“

“Not trapped, Cecil.”

“No. I’m sorry. It just… from here, it still feels like you are.”

At some point, the sky had stopped being pink and was now scarlet.

“I’m just being honest, Cecil. A scientist is always honest.” Carlos watched a lizard pretending to be something that looked like a tumbleweed but wasn’t roll past. He could tell it was a lizard because it was rolling against the wind. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“No,” Cecil said. He sounded confused, still, and hurt.

“I’m really sorry, Cecil.” Carlos scribbled:

_Where did the rock come from, before I found it in a sand dune??_  
_Does it feel anything??_  
_Is it bound to the D. Otherworld??_

“No, I-“ Cecil fumbled over his words. “I understand, of course Carlos. And I want to be supportive, and I want you to do your science. I really do. I _really_ care about science. I just wish that… No. It’s fine. You’ll come back eventually, right?”

Carlos was taken aback. “Um. Yeah,” he said. “I will, definitely. I promise. I just… don’t know when yet.”

“There are many things we don’t know,” Cecil said. “And so very few we do.” A few bars of music started playing. They weren’t coming from the Desert Otherworld, but from Carlos’s phone.

“Exactly,” Carlos said.

The music grew louder, and Cecil was now taking over it. “Okay, Carlos? I’ve got to go. The, uh, the Weather is changing. But call me tomorrow, okay? Please call me tomorrow.”

Carlos knew that by going to the Weather, Cecil was creating a diversion. He didn’t mention it. “I’ll call you,” he said. “I love you Cecil.”

“Carlos,” Cecil said, and then he stopped trying to hold back the weather and let it sweep into the air. For a few seconds Carlos heard a blues-y melody, and he tried to imagine what the air felt like in Night Vale. Then Cecil hung up, and the weather left with him.

Carlos wrote one more note in the last open space on his post-it.

_Call Cecil!!_

He still tasted grit on the wind. The weather didn’t really change in the Desert Otherworld.

A scientist is always fine, and Carlos was fine, even if he had to double check that his chest was still in place. He looked at the sky, which was now so scarlet it was white. Or maybe it was just pink again.

He had hurt Cecil. That was a fact.

He had been honest. That was another fact.

Carlos shoved his phone in his pocket and returned to the makeshift lab. He did not think about how much Cecil might have changed since Carlos had taken a picture of him staring at void frogs. He did not think about the color of his eyes. He almost did not think about the feel of Cecil wrapping him tightly in a hug. Instead, Carlos thought about all his new ideas for experiments on the not-sandstone laced with not-silver.

Of course he did.

He was a scientist.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought!
> 
> I can also be found on tumblr as dwarven-beard-spores


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